To My Wife #1

Life is a roller coaster as it is.  But when you are going through the trials and troubles of dealing with infertility it makes it even more crazy.  Different issues that may normally not effect us or other couples can come up and create issues without warning.  Just depends on the day.  But regardless and despite everything we have gone through I love her so much.  I heard a song the other day by Mayday Parade and it spoke directly to my heart and soul.  It is a song that I direct to my wife...hold on to me...we will make it through together. 

"Hold Onto Me"

I know I've got my problems and it starts with me
She saw something inside that I can't see
And late at night, yeah she'll comfort me
Hold onto me, Hold onto me

I got a nervous habit and I drink too much
She said she hates her life and wants to change her ways
She wakes in the night and whispers
Oh so quiet

Hold onto me, Hold onto me
Don't you ever leave, Don't you ever leave
I know I've got my problems and its probably me
So hold onto me, Hold onto me

Stayed up to late and it hurts to breathe
Said it's 4 A.M., girl go back to sleep
Sometimes at night I can hear her dreams

Come rescue me, Come rescue
Don't you ever leave, Don't you ever leave
I know we got our problems and its probably me
So hold onto me, Hold onto me

I'm a drifters body in an open sea
And I've seen my reflection staring right back at me
With no place to go and you're left all alone
There's no place like home

Hold onto me, Hold onto me
Just stay with me, Just stay with me
I know we got our problems and you'll probably leave
So hold onto me, Hold onto me

I could never leave, I will never leave
So hold onto me, Hold on to me

 

Dear child,

You need to know that your mother is so special to me.  And although our relationship isn't always sunshine and roses...it is excellent.  As you go through life do not strive for perfection...unless you don't sink to the bottom of the bathtub when you step in...perfection cannot be attained.  Excellence however can.  And regardless of circumstances that come up...I may be beat up, weak, and tired...but you and your mother can always HOLD ON TO ME and I WILL be there to love and give my best to you and her.

 

Hold on to me

 

Your dad

Another Blow

I know it's been a while.  The start of blogging really got me and now I have settled in.  I will probably try to update this once a week.  Thanks to all of you who have followed closely and the kind word that you have shared.

So I am wondering when the run of luck will end.  If you can call it luck.  What's the opposite of luck? Unluck, deluck, non-luck, however you want to say it...that's what we are dealing with right now.  My wife and I had a great donor lined up.  We were ready to pull the trigger and go with this particular person.  But we both know better than to get our hopes up...and we were right.  The tests came back with poor FSH levels or some type of three letter thing.  The doctor recommends that we do not move forward with her.

I really makes me wonder sometime just how many more things can go against us. Every time I think that we have to be able to catch a break here or there it doesn't happen.  It would be like a baseball player striking out every time they are at the plate.  Can it happen alot? sure...but eventually they get on base or something goes right.

Then I have to hear  the pregnant people who are complaining about being pregnant and how they can't wait to have this baby to just be done being pregnant.  When I would gladly take the pain they are going through over the pain that we feel every day.  8 months compared to 4 years...I pick 8 months.


Dear Child,

It's not an easy road.  But I guess we need to continue to look for ways to learn and grow from each experience.  Edison said that he didn't fail just found a thousand ways that didn't work.  Well it feels that we are close to that 1,000 mark but we must continue to push through.  As much pain as we are going through...you are worth it.  You will be loved. You will be loved. You will be loved. You will be loved. You will be loved. You will be loved. You will be loved. You will be loved. You will be loved. You will be loved. You will be loved. You will be loved. You will be loved. You will be loved. You will be loved. You will be loved. You will be loved. You will be loved. You will be loved. You will be loved.

DAD