More of the same

So as the years have passed I get a little more sinister and upset when it comes to this topic of infertility.  I have just seen so many good people go through so much pain.  I  often times find myself struggling with understanding God's plan and purpose.  I am fully aware and accepting of the fact that we live in a broken world with imperfect and broken bodies.  I believe that one day we will go to heaven and find ourselves in a different state.  It's hard to see the big picture when you focused on what is happening now, with blinders on to anything else.  I also get upset when we find out that it cost thousands and thousands of dollars to adopt and give someone a loving home.  Our world just doesn't make sense. 
Even though everyday is more of the same.  Do you have kids?  When are you having kids? and then people who do have kids...oh I love having kids or they complain about staying up all night.  We live in a society now where infertility is pretty common.  Not only is infertility common but the pain, hurt, and baggage that comes along with it are also common.  It's NOT OK anymore to ask people "when are you having kids?"  It would be comparable to asking a quadriplegic "Hey when you gonna run your next mile?" My guess is you didn't second guess so much at the first one but kinda thought..."man that's just wrong" for the second one.  Guess what....IT IS WRONG.  They are both wrong. 
And people who want to share their happiness of pregnancy with the world.  You are gonna distance yourself from people like me.  It's your choice and I am not saying that you can't. I will still love you and be your friend. But everything we do in life has consequences positive or negative.  Open your eyes to more than yourself and sacrifice a little if you want to truly help those going through this battle. 

To my Friends(and you know who you are)  I love you guys and hardly a day goes by when I don't think about you and send a quick prayer up to the BIG GUY.  

Dear Child,
I DREAM of the day that I can say..."I'm having a baby!!"  I pray the day comes when people ask me "you having kids?" and I can say "yeah, in two months."  But regardless of what happens in my future baby or not I will NEVER forget about the people who still suffer.  Child, make sure you don't forget about people who are struggling after you experience success.  Stay humble, stay loving, and stay understanding.  You are actually such a small part of your own life.  There are so many people that are affected by things that you do...some you may never know.

Always Trying


DAD

AND LIFE MUST GO ON

So a lot has happened in the last week and a half two weeks.  The Bears are not playing good football and they are hurt, the Bulls started their season, Halloween has come and gone, and the medications arrived for a new IVF cycle.  Yippee!(said with the most amount of sarcasm possible) I am not sure what to think as we move forward.  I am an optimist...I always look on the bright side of things.  But it is hard to do with this.  For so long we have had nothing happen to us except get punch in the face with each cycle we have gone through.

I thought about asking my friends if I could take their kid trick or treating.  When people would answer the door I would hold my bucket out.  "What are you for Halloween?" they would ask.  My response would be simple..."I'm dressed up like a Dad today since I can't have my own kids"  I could only imagine the looks on peoples faces. 

I had some kids say to me "Do you have any kids?"  And for the ten millionth time I would respond "No not yet."  Then they said to me...."Well you're gonna be an awesome dad."  ............Remove dagger from heart please.........

But whether we are ready or not...life will move on.  It will move on with us or without us.  So I have chosen to move on with it.  It's feels like its moving up and icy hill for me right now...but I will continue to battle my way.  Now with the hormones being injected in the blood stream of my wife it should me an interesting trek up this hill. 


To you...you know who you are,

As you go through out your life there might be times you want to give up.  I would be lying if I said at times I thought about giving up.  Not ending my life...just giving up on the goals that I have set.  Its going to come down to your mind and your choices.  I have chosen to NOT give up...NOT every give up.  It is only then that I will fail.  I will take each failure in my life as a learning opportunity...sometimes I have no idea what I am to be learning but I search.  You my child are my goal...and I will never...EVER give up on you.  I will fight for you. I will sacrifice for you.  I will do whatever it takes for you.  And that's how I will go on with life.

LOVE YOU LIKE A FAT KID LOVES CAKE,


DAD