Purpose

First things first.  Roy is my Pen name.  It's like actors or actresses who have a stage name.  It's a way to feel free to share what I want to share without the judgment from others.  It also protects me and my wife from others who don't understand what we are going through.  If you know me personally and closely you know about the struggle.  If you don't...this is a way to understand what a friend might be going through.  I am rambling...sorry.  I will do my best to tell the story as best I can...It will be difficult to tell Chronologically...the last four years run together like ten different colored cans of paint being mixed into a bucket.  After they mix it's all black muck. 

Like with anything in life there must be a purpose....right?  For example...the purpose of this blog is to; 
-Allow other men who are dealing with infertility to relate and confirm some things they may be feeling.
-Allow other women who are dealing with infertility to see what their significant other might be going through
-Allow people who are not dealing with this issue inside to see what exactly the struggle is
-For me to release some of the feelings that I have going through this process. 

I'm sure I could think of more.  However I think that those four are good.  I am a firm believer that there is a purpose for everything.  It is quite hard though, to understand the purpose for not being allowed to have a child.  I truly believe that God has a plan and purpose for this journey that I am on...I don't always agree with it or see it that way...but I have to believe that.  That's another reason for these postings...maybe I am being used to help and heal the emotional scars that couples face when going through infertility.  What would life be like without purpose?  Just floating around day to day and not knowing why.  As an educator and coach I believe that the purpose of my life right now is to influence young adults in a positive way...so that they become quality people and players of character.  Without that purpose I would just be collecting a paycheck.  I don't ever want to be that person.

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”
  Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is a Daily War that is fought in my mind about the purpose of what we are going through.  As hard as it is...I believe that the purpose of it is something way greater that myself and what I can see.

Dear Son/Daughter(or both?),
One of the things that you will struggle with as well is what your purpose is in life.  There is no way I can teach you that we just live and die with nothing to show for it in the middle.  Live to make a difference, live to affect people around you, live to be the best you can at what ever you do.  It isn't easy, life isn't easy, but there has to be that driving force that keeps you going.
You will not always know what the purpose is.  But trust that it's there.  I don't believe for one second that meeting your mother was coincidence.  There was a purpose behind every decision that we made, every struggle we went through, till we met.  Someone asked me for advice once and said "how did you know she was the one for you?"  My reply was "I pictured my life and my future and all the things I wanted to do, And in every situation I couldn't picture going through it without her."

Love you so much

DAD