Breakdown

So I was watching the tryouts for America's Got Talent.  I think its a great show and I am so glad a singer didn't win this season.  However, one night I was watching the tryouts and I was watching all these different kid type acts come and perform on stage.  I was by myself with nothing but the glow of the TV to light the room.  Some of these kids were pretty darn good.  I can't recall the exact act but I saw how happy these kids were after they had just performed.  With wide eyes they glance over to the left of the stage toward the curtains and there standing proudly with tears of joy were their parents.
I lost it.  In my chair by myself I could not stop crying.  I think the years of suppressing my feelings and holding my emotions erupted...like a dam that cannot hold anymore water.  The tears that were falling were not tears of joy.  They felt like razor blades rolling down my cheeks.  I tried stopping but I simply just couldn't stop.  The show ended and the TV was turned off and there I was just crying.  I collected myself went into the other room...kissed my wife goodnight and went to bed. I'll just sleep it off.
I went to bed and tears continued to flow.  My wife came up and still suspected nothing.  I can't cry in front of her...I'm supposed to be strong for her.  I am not supposed to show weakness...I am her rock to lean on and rocks don't cry.  Well, this rock did cry.  And that night my wife put her arms around me and if felt as if I was being held by an angel.  "It's ok to cry" she said. 

"Tears"
The tears that soak this pillow
are not tears of weakness
Each tear that falls strengthens
Each tear that falls releases

The tears that soak this pillow
are not tears of anonymity
Each tear has a name
Each tear has a story

The tears that soak this pillow
are not tears that judge
Each tear accepts
Each tear forgives

The tears that soak this pillow
are not tears of strangers
Each tear is mine
Each tear I own

Dear Angel,
I want you to know that no matter what I will be here for you.  My shoulder is a great tear catcher and my arms will hold you as long as you need to.  It is ok to cry. It is ok to mourn.  It is ok to show your emotions.  Do not feel you need to keep things inside.  Life will throw you things that you will have difficulty handling.  Just know that we will be there for you.  With every heart beat my body bleeds to have you here.  You will always be loved.

Always and Forever

DAD